Buddy

Cancer can have an enormous impact on your physical and emotional well-being. It is  helpful to have people around you for additional emotional support. The same goes for cancer-related fatigue (CRF). To deal with CRF, it’s beneficial if those around you can support you. That is why we integrated the buddy function into our app. You can ask others to be your buddy throughout the use of the ‘Untire’ app. Or if you are a partner, a friend or a colleague you can be a buddy.

When you use the Untire app, we recommend you ask someone close to you to be a buddy as you work through the daily app activities. You may already have a buddy in your life, helping you. If not, find someone you trust and feel comfortable sharing your fatigue journey. It could be your partner, a family member, friend, your colleague at work and/or your neighbor.

A buddy can be anyone you trust and feel comfortable with

You may choose to involve a buddy in your CRF journey or you may opt not to. It is entirely up to you. You can ask anyone to be your buddy at any time in the process. Ask them to do something with or for you, for example, attending a social event, have a good chat, go grocery shopping or take a walk. You can also have multiple buddies: one you walk with, one who helps you with cooking, one who supports you emotionally, and so on. You can keep them updated with your progress, such as sharing your weekly results with your buddy.

Knowing someone who is diagnosed with cancer can change friendships and relationships. It may trigger all kinds of emotions you that can find hard to deal with. You may want to forget everything that is going on or maybe you are afraid that talking about it only makes things worse. You may want to talk about the situation, but you don’t know what you can say or how you can offer your help. We have several tips that can help you with your interaction with your friend or loved one.

Tips how to be a buddy

  • Encourage the other person to talk about it. You don’t have to say that much – just listening can be enough.
  • Try to accept feelings such as anger, shame or blame, without commenting or judging. Even if the anger is aimed towards you.
  • By truly listening and letting the other tell their story, you are already helping.
  • Talk about the everyday things in life. The conversation doesn’t only have to be about cancer.
  • Refrain from well-meant advice such as “Be glad you’re still alive”.
  • Ask the other how you can help.
  • Be proactive, if necessary. Many people find it hard to ask for help and won’t respond to ‘if you need me, you can call me anytime’.

Practical help can be an important part of help

  • You are already helping by offering practical help or asking what you can do. You can help in the kitchen, babysit children or call someone.
  • By doing grocery shopping or going for a walk, you help the other person to keep doing their daily activities.
  • Try to let the other person decide what’s happening as much as possible. In that way they can get back control over their everyday life.

Don’t force help!

It is important that you give the other person and yourself time to reflect on the cancer diagnosis and to give it a place. The amount of time needed varies per person. For most people, it takes longer than they expect and it’s a time-consuming and hard process for everyone. Let the other one decide what they want and when they want it.

Ask a buddy

When you use the Untire app, we recommend you ask someone close to you to be a buddy as you work through the app activities. You may already have a buddy in your life, helping you. If not, find someone you trust and feel comfortable sharing your fatigue journey. It could be your partner, a family member, friend, your colleague at work and/or your next-door neighbor.

A buddy can be anyone you trust and feel comfortable with

You may choose to involve a buddy into your CRF journey or you may opt not to. It is entirely up to you. A buddy can help you stick with the program. You can ask anyone to be your buddy at any time in the process. Ask them to do something with or for you. For example, attending a social event, have a good chat, go grocery shopping or take a walk. You can also have multiple buddies: one you walk with, one who helps you with cooking, one who supports you emotionally, and so on. You can keep them updated with your progress, such as sharing your weekly results with your buddy.

Be a buddy

Knowing someone who is diagnosed with cancer can impact your relationship with him or her. It could trigger all kinds of emotions you may find hard to deal with. Maybe you want to forget everything that is going on as soon as possible and maybe you are afraid that talking makes things only worse. This could make it extra hard for the other person to share his or her feelings with you. Maybe you want to talk about the situation, but you don’t know what you can say or how you can offer your help. We have several tips that can help you in your interaction with your loved one that has (had) cancer.

Tips how to be a buddy

  • Encourage the other to talk about it. You don’t have to say that much – just listening is enough. You are not expected to solve things.
  • Try to accept feelings such as anger, shame or blame, without commenting or judging. Even if the anger is aimed towards you.
  • Make sure you don’t expect too much from the extent to what you can help the other. This could make you feel powerless. By truly listening and letting the other tell their story, you are already helping.
  • Talk about the normal things in life. The conversation doesn’t only have to be about the disease.
  • Refrain from well-meant advice such as “Be glad you’re still alive”.
  • Ask the other how you can help.
  • Be (pro)active, if necessary. Many people find it hard to ask for help and won’t respond to ‘if you need me, you can call me anytime’.

Practical help can be an important part of help

  • You are already helping by offering practical help or asking what you can do. You can help in the kitchen, babysit children or run errands.
  • By doing grocery shopping or going for a walk, you help the other person to keep doing their daily activities.
  • Try to let the other person decide what’s happening as much as possible. In that way they can get back into their everyday routine.

Don’t force help!

It is important that you give the other person and yourself time to process the cancer diagnosis. The amount of time needed varies per person. For most people, it takes longer than they expect and it is a different for every person. Let the other one decide what they need and how you can be of help.